Saturday, July 5, 2014

WHAT DOES YOUR FACIAL HAIR SAY ABOUT YOU?


This one goes out to the male readers out there, or the girlfriends that are concerned about their boos look. 

Face it; facial hair is what you’re being judged on these days. With all the cuts, styles and shaves it can be confusing to decide on the right look to represent who you are and how you want to be seen by society. To make your job a little easier I’ve compiled a list of styles and what they say about you, but be warned there are a select few decent looks that you should stick with. Choose wisely.

The “Handlebar”

Handlebar Moustaches used to be seen as the “classy” moustache in the 1940’s, you would see rich men drinking champagne and tickling the rim of their glass, was a thick beautifully twisted moustache. It again rose to popularity in contemporary culture when hipsters took it over as their signature look, thus giving the handlebar moustache a “douchebaggy” connotation.




The “Pencil thin”

In todays society pencil thin moustaches are rarely seen in day-to-day life probably because most people associate them with being “pervy”, all in all if you find yourself with one of these moustaches you should shave it immediately…


The “Goatee”

Traditionally in medieval and renaissance art Satan was generally depicted as having a goatee. In popular culture generally only guys that think they are all that but have clearly missed the boat on what’s cool rock a goatee.


The “Tom Selleck”

So if you’re familiar with Friends (which I hope you are) then you’ll know Chandler and Joey craved Richard’s (Tom Selleck) moustache, due to the distinguished look it represented. If you are fortunate enough to grow a Tom Selleck then you’ll soon find yourself with a scotch on the rocks, smoking a cigar, with a flock of beautiful ladies by your side.  You really can’t go wrong with this one.




The “Crustache”

Here are the telltale signs you’re sporting a crustache; it’s patchy, scraggly, or your moustache looks like your 12-year-old brother’s did when he thought it was a good idea to try growing a moustache. If any of these signs sound familiar, immediately shave.


The “Chinstrap”

If groomed correctly the chinstrap can add definition to your jawline, if you let it grow out…just don’t, you want that jaw definition.


The “Nottingham”

The last time you saw this one was either that time you took a jog through the forest just to happen across a plaid clad lumberjack or that time you went over for steak at your uncles house. If you have one of these it says you’re manly enough to grow a beard AND respectable enough to keep it clean.





The “Soul Patch”

There are a million and one good things from the 90’s that have come back this year; the soul patch isn’t one of them. If you have one of these now it says your boy band still hasn’t been signed. But keep trying; we’re all waiting for a new N’Sync. Seriously.


The “Muttonchops”

You’re sideburns have become unruly and your cheekbones cannot be located. The only plausible reason for these heaps of hair to take over your face is if your face gets insufferably cold, if so shave your face and buy a trapper hat.


The “Big Beard with Long Hair”

You probably listen to metal, and go to metal shows, and hangout with all your metal friends that also have big beards and long hair. You guys are probably drinking cheap beer in the back of a van full of amps and drums. There might be some left over beer from the other day in your big beard. 


The “Big Beard No Moustache”

Hi, planet of the apes called and told us to tell you that you stole their look.




The “Big Beard No Hair”

No one understands how this happens, it must be by choice and that’s a really bad choice.  This style leaves us questioning who shaves their head but grows their beard, other than the people on storage hunters.

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