Step 1: Denial
You’re walking down the street and you see an old man in
super short shorts with leathery old legs, on his feet- socks and sandals. This
is normal; this is what you always see. Just old men running around town, or
mowing their lawn in good old thick knit socks and Velcro sandals.
You’re then walking down the street scouting the latest
street style and you encounter the trendiest group of ladies. You look at their
outfit thinking wow I need to snap a pic; they look good. You scan over what
these girls are wearing and then you see their feet decked out in Nike white
socks and Nike pool slides, Adidas pool slides and BIRKINSTOCKS! There’s no way
in hell these fashionable people are wearing socks and sandals. No…chance….
in…hell….
You walk away bothered by what you just saw thinking “what
has happened to fashion, that will never catch on”
Step 2: Anger
A few weeks pass and all you see are people in Birkenstocks,
you work at a shoe retailer and all your selling are Birkenstocks. You are sick
and tired of selling Birkenstocks.
Out with girlfriends at the bar and one of your girls is
wearing socks and slides and you scream and leave because no guys going to hit
on a group of girls when one of them has socks and sandals on! There go your
free drinks for the night, so your high-heeled swollen toes carry you home: sober
and REALLLLLY angry.
Step 3: Bargaining
You’ve sold so many Birkenstock knockoffs you are slowly
getting used to the trend. After seeing a million people try them on you’ve
encountered some “alright” ways you can wear them. But no chance you’ll wear
actual brown Birkenstocks. They need to be black leather and platforms. That
way you still get height but also the Birkenstock look everyone for some reason
likes.
Step 4: Depression
You take your brand new pair of platform Birkenstocks home
and try them with all your clothing; you can’t wrap your head around the idea
of wearing Birkenstocks. Too many unfashionable things come to mind when you
hear that name. You picture your grandmother gardening in hers and all you can
see are the dirty heel prints from being worn day after day weeding and
planting tomatoes, or that old man in the booty shorts leaving the Velcro
sandals at home and taking his Birks for a ride at the Laundromat.
You put your Birkenstocks in the closet next to your Jeffrey
Campbell’s. Sitting there staring at them next to the beauties that are your
Mulder platform boots you start to cry.
Now you’re stuck with these shoes that you’re never going to wear and
they don’t even look good in your closet.
Step 5: Acceptance
Your Birks have been sitting there for a little less than a week and you were browsing local boutiques Instagrams when you come across Hey Jude’s and you see a picture from their Eco Fashion Week show. On the feet of every model is a pair of socks and pool slides. How is it this thing you hated more than anything made it onto the runway…and actually looks good? You take another look at your Birks and try another outfit. It. Is. Perfect. You then proceed to buy various colors of Birks and pool slides and get pissed off when people try to borrow your crisp white socks because "hey man those are for my sandals".
